gray would be the color, if I had a heart.....

Monday, April 20, 2009

gray would be the color...if I had a heart.....

Current mood: artistic

I love NIN pretty hate machine. It is one of my favorite albums. :)

I have 2 tests this week, and I just really don't care. Lol. I can always tell when it's the end of the semester, I just stop caring if I study or not. I still manage to pull off straight A's, so I'm not even going to care.

We had baseball tonight, and tomorrow, and then practice on thursday. Blech. I love watching him play, I do, but it gets so tiresome sometimes. He's getting bullied around some by his team mates too, which isn't great, but he loves baseball. But if it gets to the point where he doesn't want to play, I will let him quit during the season, even though that has always been a rule, no quitting in the middle, you start it, you finish it. But not if he's getting bullied. He gets teased, and they pull his little rat tail, and they push him down. And the adults in charge just don't do anything about it, so Alan wants to teach him to fight back, but I don't think that's a good idea. I told him to come to me or whatever adult (Alan, my mom, whoever takes him) brought him and we'll do something about it. We shall see if that works. But we have decided, no more just sending him to practice or games with other parents, which we sometimes do. He has to have an adult there that "has his back" so to speak. Which isn't so bad since school is wrapping up, but during school, I just don't have the time to devote 3 nights a week to baseball. It's crazy.

I love that he is so unique. He is his own little person, and I love that. He doesn't really care what others think, he likes what he likes. As much as I see of his daddy in him (they are both always 'on stage') maybe some of me got in there too. Because my idea of 'beauty' hasn't always matched up with society either. My piercings and strange dress as a teenager was never about being a rebel, or rebelling against the 'system' for me. I just think it's beautiful. My idea of beauty doesn't always match up with society, and I think that should be ok. I wish the world was like that. I wish I could have my peircings and be a teacher without having to give them up. They are such a part of me, I have had these things for 16 years now. Do they make me a bad person? No. Would they make me a horrible teacher? Ridiculous. They are just jewelry, why can't the world just accept them like that? I know, silly thought. I would be such a terrible influence to children with rings in my lip and nose......... :P But I see Roman with his cowboy boots and his shorts, his plaid shirts and striped pants and wrestling fingerless gloves, and I smile. I bought him a pair of rainbow striped (girl) fingerless gloves that go all the way over his elbows this weekend at the mall (on sale at Claires for $1!), and he took one look at them and was like "WOW! These are soooo cool!" and put them on right away and wore them all evening. That's my boy. He likes what he likes and he could care less if people think he is weird. I hope that lasts forever, and that "society" doesn't break his spirit.

So I am thinking about getting my Special Education certification along with elementary education. Once I get my Elementary Ed. certificate, I can take the other certifificate tests and if I pass them, can be certified in that area as well. (Only until Nov. 1st, when they change the ways you can be certified, but as long as I do it before then, I could get it!). I don't know if I would teach Special Ed. right away, but if I have the certification, I could do it if I wanted to. I think I would like that! I was looking into what it would take to be nationally certified, since in theory we would move around if Alan got the job he wanted, and then I wouldn't have to take each new state's certification exams, I would just be certified for the whole USA. But you have to be teaching for 3 years, create a porfolio showing videos of you teaching and student work and such, and then it costs $3000. Maybe someday though. We shall see.